Live in the Moment

I've heard that phrase many times.  I think it's supposed to mean something positive, like seeing what's right in front of you and appreciating it.

I realized recently that, for better or worse, I very much live in the moment.  Every, single, day.

To such an extent that I can't think much beyond what's going to happen in the current day, and often can't recall what we did just a day or two ago.

It's hard for me to grasp when and how my everyday consciousness morphed into this current pattern.  I remember spending endless hours lost in my thoughts, as a young girl.  I used to daydream to my heart's content; doodling rainbows and studying my fingernails from every imaginable angle.

I now keep my nails trimmed to stubs, for the sake of housekeeping and sensitive baby skin; and the last few times they've needed attention, several days have passed before I can get to them.  And at that, I often clip one hand worth, only to be interrupted and walk around for two days with the other hand's nails getting ever longer before I get back to clipping them all down to size.  It's just the way it is.  Even time for ordinary tasks is a luxury.

I'm not complaining.  Really, that's not my intention.  It's just remarkable to me, when I sit down and take a minute to analyze where I'm at, how much my life is not mine and my time belongs to my family.  It's good, I know it is.  But I also know that there are things I'm neglecting, balls I'm dropping because I forget, or give myself a pass.  I hope I'm doing my best.  I pray that I can find balance during these busy, demanding years.

Each morning, I stand before Jesus on the Cross.  I silently offer Him my day, all my works, prayers, joys, and sufferings.  I ask Him - no, beg Him - to give me the grace that I need to do what I need to on this day.

Then, I go on, living in each moment as it comes.