At the beginning of last year, I decided I had had enough. Enough excuses, and enough of letting myself go. I didn't feel good, I didn't look good, and I knew it wasn't going to get any better unless I did something about it.
I don't "diet" well. I'm almost always pregnant and/or breastfeeding, and that requires a certain level of intake to maintain. I don't have time for fad diets, or patience for special food preparation for just me. I have learned a lot about moderation in portions, and about certain foods that just shouldn't be on my radar. Besides that though, I knew if I were going to fix things, I was going to have to get physical.
I started running. Well, running would be a generous term for what I was doing, but I called it that. I shuffled along as best I could for as long as I could, and I kept doing it. Soon, I could go a little faster and a little longer. After that, I got more comfortable in my own skin doing it. As I got into better shape physically, the running got easier and I actually started to enjoy it.
By June, I ran a local 5k. By August, the scale was 30 pounds nicer to me. By October, I felt like I had blossomed into a new person. It's amazing what can happen when you make the choice to do something good for yourself. Running became an outlet for me, and I hadn't felt so good everyday in years.
We're in Michigan. The weather turns us into cave-dwellers for six months of every year. November came and I couldn't get out to run anymore. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Sebastian's medical crisis. Extra food and extra stress. We lost our dear Monsignor so unexpectedly on December 29th, and found out two weeks later that I was pregnant. RSV and eight solid weeks of morning sickness fog. It's been a very hard winter.
One day a few weeks ago, it all caught up with me. It was late afternoon and I hadn't even showered. I handed over toddler duty to the older boys, and locked myself in the bathroom. I decided I really needed to tune out the world for a few minutes, so I did something I hadn't done in months. I grabbed my phone and clicked on my running music. I chose the playlist for a 5k run, which was what I had been using when my daily run hit 3 miles. Suddenly, I was transported to a different time and place. I could feel the fall air on my face, the energy in my step. I could remember the confidence and joy I had found once, that I had somehow already forgotten.
Five minutes later, I was tossed back into my current winter. The numbers on the scale are rising again (as they should be), and I know I'll have a fight ahead of me. I had felt it though. Now I remember that I am strong, and now I can see that spring will come again.
I wrote this a while back and wasn't sure I was going to post it. I decided to send Margaret some love and join her link-up, even though I'm not really "weighing in".