Or maybe I should start with where I'm not...
I'm not at the hospital, having a baby...
And I'm not busy caring for a newborn
Nope, I'm still pregnant.
I'm not really surprised, I thought I'd be late with this one. I just thought a day or two, maybe four.
I didn't think I'd be sitting here, going into the sixth day past my due date, with no real signs of labor.
And I really didn't think I'd already have an induction scheduled. Gosh, they are quick to start planning that induction once a woman reaches her due date!
So Thursday morning it will be, at the latest. That gives me two more days to do it on my own.
We've walked. We've eaten spicy food. I'm downing red raspberry leaf tea by the gallon. I've cleaned, and walked, and walked some more.
This baby is just comfy, I guess.
When they scheduled the induction last week, I tried to balance my frustration over taking that step with the knowledge/hope that there is every possibility that it's a moot point and that I'll deliver before we ever get to Thursday. It's eight days past my due date after all, and the longest I've ever gone is seven past. The reality is setting in though, that I'm going to blink and it's going to be Thursday, so we've really talked this out and tried to decide if we're okay with going through with the induction.
The answer is.... I think so.
My doctor assured me that we can go with a minimally invasive induction. The hope is that my body won't need much help at all to get going. I'm all about natural, but I'm also all about recognizing that I live in the real world and there's only so much that I have control over. There are reasons they recommend putting an end point on pregnancies, and while I don't necessarily agree with all of them, or feel that the concerns apply to me and my baby, I also can't say with certainty that everything will be fine if I keep carrying this baby.
In reality, I've needed "help" in some form with all of my deliveries. I have stubborn bags of waters. Some of my more natural-minded friends are appalled when I say that the doctor has had to break my water manually 4 out of 6 times. They feel that should be part of the natural process of labor. Well, I had one delivery where it had every opportunity to be a natural part of labor, yet my body didn't do what it was supposed to - I dilated to 10 with an intact bag of water. Of course no one realized I was at 10 until I had to push and no one was there to deliver, and still my water didn't break. By the time a stand-by doctor finally found his way into the room, broke my water, and delivered the baby, all within a few minutes, my sweet little newborn had already suffered a head injury, from fighting against that stubborn amniotic sac, and then be rushed through the birth canal at break-neck speed. The ramifications of that "natural" birth are still with us daily today.
So... maybe I'm tainted. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself that it's okay, since it's looking like induction is the way it's going to go. Maybe I'm just trying to be calm, and pray, and let God handle things from there. He gave me this baby, He led me to these doctors, and He's allowing this pregnancy to proceed on His time. I'm not looking to force my will on any of it, I'm just trying to trust the process.
And, God-willing, this process will come to a close this week, with a safe, healthy, happy birth, and us holding a new life in our arms.
If you could offer a prayer? Perhaps that God's will be done, and that this Mama has peace? But mostly for our baby, that all focus be on giving him or her the best possible start at life.
Thank you! And God bless you!